Game of Thrones Bloody Lannister Cupcakes

Oh my God. Everyone. We're SO SORRY. We have not updated in months. We know it's no excuse and this doesn't even begin to compensate, but this is us giving you THE BIGGEST HUG EVER:

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Yeah, it's a wide hug. What? Fat Kid Kitchen, no?

Anyway. Let's just pick up where we left off before things get awkward between us. This past weekend was the premiere of Game of Thrones: Season 2, on HBO. And Liz took part in a daring mission to bring a dish representing the House of Lannister to a premiere party that night. Just so ya know, this will be made infinitely more fun if you're caught up a little bit on the series/characters. You may do some of that research here!

Good to go? Great. Here's what happened.

Liz got help from this gentleman we know who we're going to call Sam. Because that is his name. This was actually his idea! He thought of doing red velvet cupcakes with "blonde hair" frosting. The Lannisters are a blonde, rather incestuous family line. It's a whole thing. Then Liz said, "And what if when you bit into it, there were guts inside?!" It's not a GoT reference without some serious gore, after all. And thus became...

Game of Thrones Bloody Lannister Cupcakes

We were lazy traitors who used a red velvet cake mix because time was of the essence. However, we're sure a from-scratch recipe would be worlds better!

YOU WILL NEED....

-Red Velvet Cake Mix (water, 3 eggs, vegetable oil)

-Yellow food coloring

-Cream cheese frosting 

-Cherry pie filling

-Silver and Gold cupcake liners, large and extra small

So, pretty self explanatory at first! You combine that cake mix. You marvel in the glory that it is turning red before your eyes. Etc.

Well this is uncomfortable. I think I wore this shirt in the last FKK entry photos...

When you divide them into the silver/gold cupcake liners, be sure to make a couple of them in the small liners. In honor of THIS GUY.  Tyrion gets his own damn personalized cupcakes cuz damn straight.

Teeny cupcake on a hill surveying his kingdom. Doesn't see ogre about to attack.

Then, once they've baked for 20 minutes and cooled for 15, cut a half-inch circle with a small cerated knife around each cupcake half. Pop out the little top of the cupcake and you should have a tiny canyon inside of it!

Meanwhile, prepare the cherry filling. Each of our cupcakes had a heart and some blood inside. Use a ziploc bag with the corner cut off, like so:

Then fill the little hole in each of the cupcakes with the goopy red stuff and one cherry! We didn't fill the Tyrion cupcakes because they were too little. We also didn't want to condemn the only awesome Lannister to a bloody death so...not giving him any blood and guts was the easiest way around that.

The heart of a traitor!!!!

Then replace the little cap you carved out so it's all closed up. Meanwhile, get the frosting ready! Simply add a few drops of yellow food coloring to the cream cheese icing and... Voila: fair haired villains! Then place one of the tiny cupcake liners on top of each cake so they're each wearing a "crown". Maybe there can only really be one king, but don't tell THEM that.

Tyrion cupcake leads the Lannister Army to battle.

We know these weren't some of our finest photos. Let it go, we beg of you. Liz didn't really think to post them on the blog till all was said and done. 

So...to make up for this, we're about to drop some KNOWLEDGE right about now. DID YOU KNOW THAT AUNTIE ANNE'S PRETZELS NOW HAS A MIX YOU CAN MAKE AT HOME?! Ya didn't? Well now you do. We made those too on this same day. So now you don't have to wait to go to the movie theater and sit through some remake of a remake of an 80s comic book nobody read just so you can eat a soft, glorious, oily pretzel. You can have them at home and watch Game of Thrones. Or Downton Abbey. Or something. You like pretzels and British accents. We're just assuming.

Catch you next time! We swear it won't be four months from now. :)

Liz

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Pie!

Dear Readers: We hope you had a splendid, overstuffed, coma-inducing Big Dead Bird Day! We thought a Fat Kid's post on the fattest day of the year was a little redundant, so we took a quick vaycay.

But now we're back to continue our Pie Unit! This weekend, Liz decided to marry three of her very favorite tasty treats into a joyful polygamous union of baked good bliss. Oatmeal, peanut butter, and pie. Why haven't those three ALWAYS been together? They seriously should've hooked up years ago, those crazy kids.

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookie Mini Pies

Why "mini pies"? Well because everything wonderful increases tenfold in wonder when it's miniature. If there's one thing I know about the world, it's that. Get cute little mini pies by using a cupcake tray! Or just forego adorability and make one hulking big one. It'll still taste like your wildest dreams.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. First, you'll wait to unroll your pie crusts onto a cutting board and cut them into semi-circle shapes about 4 inches across. You may have to do a little sculpting when you place them one by one into the ungreased cupcake pan. (I wasn't sure how much they were going to expand at first so I did each 9 inch pie shell one tray at a time with the pies kind of spread out like so. Turns out you don't NEED to do this, however!)

Once those are ready, set them aside. Then get crackin' on the drool-inspiring filling. Whip the eggs till they're frothy and then add the flour, sugar, cinnamon and salt. After that's combined, add the rest of the wet ingredients: Corn syrup, melted butter, peanut butter, and vanilla. Then fold in the dry oatmeal. 

Resist the urge to drink through a straw.

 Then fill each of the pie cups about 3/4 of the way to the top.  It WILL puff up when it bakes! The whole batter should yield 12 little pies. Again, I had no idea how these were going to turn out so I made a small batch at first!  

Godspeed, little guys!

 Bake the little dudes for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean from the center and the pie crust is golden brown. Let them cool and then gently scoop each one out of the tray with a spoon. 

After that, let them cool for another 10 minutes or so and dig in! As most peanut butter, oatmeal, or pie items go, it's always best served with a tall glass of milk!

A gooey adventure awaits you!

Now, as some of you may remember (but it's okay if you forgot), our buddy Dawn was the winner of our "Guess what the hell Liz is making with waffles!" contest last month. Because she was the only one who commented correctly with an actual GUESS, she therefore won the mini pies. I ambushed her on the side of the road to present her with baked goods. It was pretty great.

Surprise! Here's pies!

So if YOU want to be given baked goods in public and inspire jealousy in everyone you see, keep commenting, keep tweeting at us! Especially next time we play a guessing game! Your smile could be as lovely as Dawn's. Really, we mean it, and she's got a really lovely smile!

Join us over the coming weeks as we get super pumped for Christmas and for jolly ol' Santa, the original Fat Kid.

xs n' ohs,

Liz

Pumpkin/ Chocolate Pudding Pie

While our love for cakes is not to be tested, we wanted to share a spotlight on another Fat Kid treat dear to our hearts- PIES!!! Because nothing says Thanksgiving dessert like pie we're bringing a whole series of pies this week. Kicking off the pie series is a Fat Kid take on the classic pumpkin pie. 

From the Diary of Britt: I LOVE pumpkin pie. In fact,  pumpkin was my first pie love. Confession: When I was a kid, I was not a pie fan. Crazy, I know! But I was the type of kid that just took the vanilla ice cream and said, "No thanks" to pie. Until one Thanksgiving when my older sister tricked me into having some pie with the old "You're so boring eating just ice cream." I fell for it and fell in love with pumpkin pie! Now, other pies have come and gone, but I always come back to pumpkin. You never forget your first Pie Love. 

Pumpkin/Chocolate Pudding Pie

Now, Britt has baked many a pumpkin pie in her day until she got a recipe that she deems to be PERFECT, but is not exactly fat kid worthy. Instead, we decided to mix the love of pumpkin pie with another pie classic- CHOCOLATE. 

Now, making this pie is dependent on finding this special Jello mix- Pumpkin Spice pudding. While we're sure you could make it yourself with Vanilla pudding and spice, you won't get that same beautiful   pumpkin-orange color that is crucial to pumpkin pie. 

Yes, that IS a chocolate pie crust!

Now, this might be one of the easiest recipes we've done on Fat Kid Kitchen and it easily makes enough for 2 pies.  Important note- don't follow the instructions on the box. REPEAT- do NOT follow the box! TRUST US FELLOW FAT KIDS!

First step- mixing the chocolate pudding. Grab a big mixing bowl, pour in the chocolate pudding powder, and add exactly 2 cups of cold milk (1% is recommended). Now, if you're going the Soy, Lactose free, or Rice Milk route be sure to use less than 2 cups otherwise you'll be whisking for days and never get that nice pudding texture. 

Once you have the milk added, it's time to whisk away. Whisk for about 4 minutes- let it rest for 2 minutes- and then whisk again for about 5 minutes. Pour chocolate pudding into pie crust pan - until the pan is half way full (Note: you'll have extra pudding) Place pie in the fridge. 

Now, do the exact same thing for the pumpkin pudding. Add mixture to bowl, add milk (recommend using less than 2 cups this time) and whisk away. Feel free to add in anything else you like to pumpkin pie recipes - like cinnamon or nutmeg. Since this was our first time with pumpkin spice pudding, we decided to just let it be and see how it turned out. 

Take your pie crust out of the fridge and add the pumpkin pudding on top of the chocolate. 

Using a spoon, swirl the chocolate and pumpkin together. Put back in the fridge until ready to serve. 

In the meantime, if you didn't make 2 pies, go enjoy the extra pudding!

Love, 

Britt & Liz

Barbie Doll Birthday Cake!

16 years ago this week, Liz's mom delivered the most magical birthday cake of all birthday cakes to her 9-year-old daughter (if you know how to do math then you know how old Liz turns this week.  And if you don't know how to do math, you're Liz's new bff).  To add special birthday fuel to the fire that is Liz's raging Peter Pan syndrome, Fat Kid Kitchen attempted to re-create this magical birthday cake.  Here is a story about that...

Peppermint Rose:  THE LEGEND.

From the Diary of Liz: Ah, there she is, guys.  My mind-blowing, gravity-defying 9th Birthday Cake, courtesy of a bakery called Deerfields, located in the Chicago suburb my family and I used to live in.  It's still around today, making Fat Kid dreams all over the Midwest come true, one epic birthday at a time.  I had a cake consultation and everything.  This bakery was determined not to disappoint me.  I brought in the doll, this chubby-faced barbie-knockoff in a pink pirate captain's hat that actually smelled like peppermints and roses.  I said "I'd like a cake baked around this doll, please!" I had seen the doll-dress cakes in their brochures, boasting that they could turn your daughter's favorite doll into a birthday cake that "she'll never forget!".  And trust.  I never forget that damn cake.

For years I contemplated its many complex mysteries.  Did they bake her with the cake?!  If so, how the hell didn't she melt?  Did they carve out a little hole for her legs?  How'd they do the freakin' layers?!  SO MANY QUESTIONS.  Well, now I'm a highly functioning adult who can solve mysteries on her own and has a baking blog.  So it was time to unlock the Secrets of Deerfields! (*You can turn on the soundtrack to Inception now if you want).

We found this really fantastic doll-cake-baking kit at Michael's to help us on our mission.  It would be a very smart idea to purchase this kit if you want to go on this journey!  That dome shaped dress is no easy feat.

Oh HEY there awesome Mermaid.

Barbie Doll Birthday Cake

The doll that came in our special kit was not an actual Barbie and was kind of an amputee of sorts (see below), but we think you could easily use a real Barbie doll.  Or just forego the doll altogether and eat the cake because the cake is delish!  But where's the fun in that...?

You can pretty much pick any kind of cake you want as long as you follow this simple rule:  Make enough for a two-layer cake so it properly fills the dome.

First, crack open your doll-cake-kit.  You will find the following inside:
-Doll pick (which is basically the torso of a doll with a straight plastic pick where its legs would be)
-Dome cake pan
-Metal rod + Screw
-Stand for the dome pan

Momma warned me 'bout evil bakers who would put me in a cake but I NEVER LISTENED!

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees and put the cake pan together following the instructions in the box.  The metal rod should stick straight up through the dome.  It's where your doll will go later.

Next, in a large bowl, combine your dry ingredients for the cake:  Flour, sugar, salt, baking powder.  Then separate the yolk from six eggs and put them in a smaller bowl.  Britt is the master egg yolker.  Observe.

Make egg white omlettes later with the leftovers!

Combine the wet ingredients SANS MILK with the yolk and then add them to the dry mixture.  Then add the butter.  It's going to start getting pretty sticky, and this is when you need the milk.  If you find it's still really thick and sticky you may add a tad more.  You don't want the thing being a giant sugar cookie (as delicious as that would be).

The consistency it ought to be...

Grease the dome pan before pouring in your vanilla soup of the gods.  Once it's all glopped in there, take a heaping tablespoon (or more if you wish!) of the blackberry preserves and swirl it around the top of the cake, comme ça:

 

Stick it in the oven and bake for about 45 minutes.  You may need a wee bit more time due to the shape of the pan, so definitely test with a long toothpick before you commit to taking it out!

Once it's ready, let it cool for a good long while.  It helps if your house has lousy heat like Liz's does. :-/  Then flip it over onto a cake platter and make sure your doll-pick fits in the hole.  Now, if you chose to use a real doll with legs, you'll probably need to CAREFULLY carve the hole in the cake a little wider to accommodate.

Clothe me now, for the love of all that's holy!!!

Now here's the fun part.  The cake kit recommends using fondant for the dress, but Britt and Liz HATE fondant.  But if you don't, then by all means go for it.  We used a simple vanilla cream frosting and decorative white icing for the top of the dress.

Take notes, Katy Perry.

We pondered who this character ought to be.  It was a white dress, and the doll had luxurious brown curls, so we thought a Kate Middleton cake ought to be quite easy!  LIES.  Without lacey sleeves, this could be any trashy bimbo of a bride.  The lacey sleeves defined that dress.  And we were quite ill-equipped to make them, we needed smaller tips for the frosting tube.  That is where we failed.  We're sad to admit it.

Sleeveless bimbo bride.  You're no Kate Middleton.

Decorate as much or as little as you want!  At that point we'd been working on the cake for almost 3 hours and our blood sugar was low and the sun was setting and it was almost time to have wine.  So we wrapped it up and called it a day!

Bongiorno Principesa!

And was Liz satisfied with the result?  Did it live up to the legend?  It might not have looked quite as fancy, but judging by these identical awkward expressions...

...we're pretty sure we did a-okay!  And the best part of this whole endeavor?  We've got this princess cake mold now that we can use for years to come.  Hey friends.  Guess what you're all getting for your birthdays this year?

Love,

Liz & Britt

Fat Kid Kitchen: Not-so-lean, mean, Halloweenin' MACHINE!

This weekend we ushered in the holiest of international fat kid holidays:  HALLOWEEN!  More specifically, it was Halloweekend: Two whole days of festive insanity.  There's a reason our faces are in none of the following photos.

Britt hosted a grand Werewolf Bar Mitzvah on Sunday night (for those who are unfamiliar with this kind of shindig, please direct your attention this-a-way: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxk_P3PNuZU )

We made two different Halloween treats that afternoon.  Both are simple and fun and can be tweaked for all the upcoming holidays!

Witch's Brew

Can we all just agree a party just isn't a party unless you have some punch? And a Halloween party isn't complete until you have some Witch's Brew! Here's a list of simple ingredients and steps from our Fat Kid Spell Book (Shh it's really just our usual cook book...)

Witch made not required, but encouraged!

Now, Britt believes in the science of trying out party punch as you go so you won't find exact measurements here. However, she recommends using only half a bottle of Butterscoth Schnapps because it's so sweet and about 2 cups of Vodka. (Note- this recipe used cheap vodka so you might want to use less if you prefer a higher shelf alcohol.) Mix Schnapps, Vodka and Apple Cider together and try it. It will probably be really sweet and that is where you start adding Sprite (or 7 UP) to cut the sweetness. Basically, just try it out until to you like it!

With the base of the brew done, all you need to now is add the fun extras. For this brew, we cut up about 4 red Gala Apples. (Yes, real fruit has finally made it to Fat Kid Kitchen but that's only to make up for what's next on the list.) Finally, our favorite part- that's starting to become a Fat Kid standard- adding GUMMY WORMS! Not only do the worms add to the theme, but they soak up the alcohol for a fun snack at the bottom of your drink. If you want to make this punch for a Thanksgiving or Fall party, you might want to skip the gummy worms. You can always save them for this cake!

That's it! A pretty simple spell recipe for any Fall party. When Britt served it, she added ice and sprinkled cinnamon but feel free to add your own touches. Only thing we really feel is essential to making this brew is challenging your inner witch - or you could just dance to "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" in kitchen!

Chocolate Ghosty Peep Pops

These will be self explanatory.  Enjoy the visuals!

Step One:  Ghost Peeps!  On wax paper!

Step Two:  Melt white chocolate chips, send your ghosties to the hot tub!

Lay the peeps face down on the wax paper with their backs all chocolate coated.

Wait till they harden, and then....

Impale them on candy sticks! (Britt bought a stack of sticks at a craft store)
 Stick sticks in a bowl of candy corns!

You could easily do Peep Pops with any kind of festive Peep, so these are good for all holidays worthy of Peeps.  And the Witch's Brew sans gummy worms is a delicious Fall treat for Thanksgiving or any other happy gathering during the months of apple-cinnamon-relevance. 

Happy Halloween Fat Kid Nation!  Hope you had a magical weekend of gluttony and becostumed madness!

Love,

Britt & Liz

Black n' White Waffle Banana Split Sammich 'Splosion!

The time has come to reveal the result of our visionary vision!  Black n' White Waffle Banana Split Sammiches!  Whoa.  Yeah, I know.  Let it sink in for a moment, take a seat if you have to.

A little backstory while you calm yourself the heck down.  While I was sick, I was wishing for my family.  Awww, etc.  I get pretty pathetic and helpless when I'm incapacitated.  But I got to thinking about a lovely treat my uncle once made for me eons ago in order to bribe me to clean my room and take a bath before my parents got home.  I was like...maybe 5 or 6.  I was highly food motivated, like a small Labrador puppy.  He toasted two eggo waffles and put a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate ice cream in between them.  I could have half while I was cleaning my room and half when I got in the bathtub.  And let me tell you something:  If you've never sat in the bath playing with barbies and my little ponies and eating an ice cream sandwich made of waffles...You.  Have.  Not.  Lived.

Flash forward to 2011.  I am sad and alone and sick in LA.  I wish I were home in NY.  I also wish I had Black n' White cookies, which I associate with home.  Comfort food and nostalgia then brought me to the following epiphany:  The BWWBSS.  (BlackandWhiteWaffleBananaSplitSammich duh).

So here you have it!  WARNING:  This is one sweet beast.  Split it with a loved one.  Or a liked one whom you wish to become a loved one.  This might do the trick. :)

Black n' White Waffle Banana Split Sammiches (BWWBSS's) 

Step One:  Toast two frozen waffles until they're about golden brown.  Watch them so they don't burn!  Put them aside for a few moments to cool.
Step Two:  Get yourself two microwave safe bowls.  Fill one with dark chocolate morsels (or milk chocolate if you're a wimp who doesn't like hard cocoa!), and one with white morsels.

Comme ça!

Next, add a teaspoon of water to each bowl and nuke those bad boys for 1 min 30 seconds each.  Stir midway through if you notice it's bubbling.  Now, here's the tricky part!  You need to spread the melted chocolate on the waffles ASAP while it's still pretty molten.  Otherwise it gets awfully gummy and quite difficult to spread.  Grab a small sauce brush and get crackin', one side at a time!

Whoooaaa, we're halfway the-re!

Do the white chocolate side and then don't touch it!  Stick them in the fridge for about 30-40 minutes so the chocolate shell hardens.

Super best friends!

Busy yourself with something important while they harden.  You could probably do about 5,500 jumping jacks (exercise!).  You could write a couple limericks (creativity!).  Or you could make your bed as though you're inexplicably expecting company, like I did.  Exhilarating life I lead.

Take the ice cream out of the freezer a few minutes before you're ready to spread it so it softens.  It doesn't have to be vanilla, but a plainer ice cream sort of balances out the hyper-sweetness of the waffles.  I went and picked Tahitian Vanilla Gelato.  Because I'm a fancy lady.

Momma brought the big guns.

Then, slice your nanners!  We ended up with way more banana slices than we needed, so midway munching is very much encouraged.  About 5 slices will do the trick.

 The rest should be pretty obvious:  Spread your softened ice cream onto one of your waffles, black n' white side down.

Then pile on the banana slices and drizzle a hearty helping of chocolate fudge sauce.  Add the top black n' white waffle, smoosh it all together, and give it a little whipped cream and crushed walnut hat:

Beyonce, can you handle this?  I don't think you can handle this, woooo!

Now quick, before it melts: Show that sammich who's boss and cut it in half to share with your loved one of choice!

Wear a bib.  Srsly.

Let's Play a Guessing Game!

Guys!  Hey, you guys!  Liz here!

Guess what I did all this week?  Because I was sick in bed and was unable to consume anything but ramen and ginger ale, all I did was daydream about my next Fat Kid Kitchen creation.  In a glowing green Nyquil-induced haze, a vision came to me.  It involved three of my very favorite treats, fused together into a sugary paradise of seismic proportions.  Just go with me here.  It was a very intense vision.

This weekend, I plan to combine...

Black and White Cookies - The NYC Transplant's Holy Grail

Waffles - For the girl who can't have anything but tea for breakfast.

Banana Split - Ice cream's good for your throat, right?

Now, HOW will these three timeless treats join forces to create the ultimate Fat Kid Kitchen weapon?!  (Clearly I was watching the Avengers trailer while trippin' on the 'Quil and concocting this).  Well, that's for you to guess!  Post your hypotheses, and whoever guesses closest will win a prize!  No really, you'll get an actual prize!  If you're in the LA area we'll personally deliver a baked good to you.  If you're from out of town, heck we'll mail it to you!  But you have to post your conjectures to win. :)

Ready, set, go!  See on Monday if you were correct!